Like Crystal Shards
by carzla
Summary: [One Shot - Spoilers: Chapters 30 - 40] He knew how one's world could shatter in seconds. He thought that it would prepare him for anything. But he was wrong. His world was shattering again, and the only thing he could do was to accelerate the process...


**_Like Crystal Shards_**

_Disclaimer:_

_Vampire Knight belongs to Hino Matsuri. This story contains spoilers for most of the manga chapters, but especially chapters 30 to 40. Feel free to hit the back button if you do not want to be spoiled. Some parts of this story will likely be rendered AU once the manga moves on, so please do not take this as canon. I only own my interpretations of Zero's feelings._

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**Full Summary:**

**One Shot – Spoilers: Chapters 30 – 40 Part I of Twins Verse He knew firsthand how one's world could shatter around them in a matter of seconds. He thought that that would have prepared him for anything. But he was wrong. So very wrong. He was once again in a situation where his world – the pitiful amount that still remained his – was shattering around him, and the only thing he could do was to accelerate the process…**

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Kiryuu Zero knew firsthand how one's world could shatter around them in only a matter of seconds. That lesson had been firmly and effectively ingrained into his memory when he was only twelve years old. He thought that with that lesson, he would be prepared for anything unexpected thrown his way. But Fate had other ideas, and now his world, what pitifully little of it that was left, was shattering around him yet again.

"Don't… Don't do this to me… Ichiru," Zero pleaded with his twin, trying his best to resist the bloodlust that was threatening to overtake him. He already knew his fangs had extended, and only sheer force of will was keeping him from biting his twin.

He could clearly smell Ichiru's blood from that grievous wound that had been inflicted by Kuran Rido and he was disgusted to admit that the vampire side of him found the smell of it exceptionally sweet and intoxicating. God, it was so hard to resist! Especially with Ichiru lying so pliant and willing in his arms, clinging to him like he was the only thing in the world left, his twin's neck so enticingly close to his lips…

Zero mentally shook himself. No! He couldn't. He wouldn't take Ichiru's blood. Ichiru had to live; Zero had taken too much from him already. He couldn't, he _wouldn't _deny Ichiru his life. He couldn't take Ichiru's blood. Taking Yuuki's blood, even consensually, had already wracked him with immense guilt-

Yuuki.

Oh god. _Yuuki._ He had been shocked to learn that Yuuki was a pureblood vampire. A pureblood from the Kuran clan at that. Nothing could've prepared him for that revelation. _Nothing._ He swore that he'd never let her be turned into a vampire, but in reality, she had been born one. She was related to Kuran Kaname by blood… and they were now lovers.

Yet, all of that didn't matter to him now. Not anymore. They _had_ set the stage, started the many crack lines that had appeared on his fragile, crystal world. But what started the actual breaking was in reality, Yuuki herself. Zero had thought that even if Yuuki were a vampire, she would still be the same. She would still be warm and caring, kind and gentle, that she would still need him by her side… all of that, like the old Yuuki he knew and loved. But he had been proven wrong. Utterly wrong.

He probably shouldn't have aimed the Bloody Rose at her before she even had the chance to speak to him. He had been confused by his feelings at that time, as well as the revelation of Yuuki's identity. A strange mix of betrayal, sadness, self-loathing and dread had been roiling about in a frenzy within him and that had caused him to lash out at Yuuki, who was the source of all those feelings.

The next thing he knew, his heart had been ruthlessly pierced by a figurative stake.

_"You're right, Zero. I'm glad… that you understand."_

_"I'm not the "Yuuki"… that Zero knows anymore."_

_"Because… The vampire side of me… **ate the other part**."_

Of course, he couldn't blame her either. Yuuki never knew about his feelings towards her. He had come close to confessing a few times, mostly by almost kissing her. But each time he had stopped himself at the last moment and gave an excuse about not being himself due to some vampire-related condition. He couldn't blame her really… and truthfully, Zero didn't blame her, hadn't even thought that it was Yuuki's fault for her words even as they had ripped his heart asunder.

Now, Yuuki didn't need him anymore; she had Kaname. He knew all along it would turn out this way. It still hurt like hell though. He _needed_ to forget about those words or he wouldn't be able to get on with his life normally. But he couldn't. He-

"Why are you hesitating, Zero?" Ichiru's voice broke him out of his thoughts.

"I-"

"You were thinking about that girl… Weren't you?"

Zero realized belatedly that while he was lost in his thoughts, Ichiru had shifted such that his twin was able to look at his face. He stared back into lilac eyes so similar to his own, yet they were still somehow different and wholly Ichiru. He wondered how he should reply. "I…"

"You don't have to lie. Your expression gave you away, Zero… There's only one person who can cause you so much pain, although I still don't understand why it's her." Ichiru gave a wry smile. "I wonder… Even if I'm not dead in your heart… Would you be as sad when I die?"

That smile and those words broke Zero's heart in ways he couldn't even begin to describe. Not even the hurt he had felt from Yuuki's words had caused him to feel so lost and broken as he did now, faced with his twin's question. "Don't say that! You're not going to die, Ichiru! Leave me now and get help. _Go!_"

For someone who had lost quite a lot of blood from a serious injury, Ichiru had a surprisingly strong grip. Zero tried in vain to dislodge his twin's hold on him and to push his twin away. He meant what he had said earlier. He didn't want to lose anything more. He had already lost everything else.

"Ichiru!"

"Don't be so stubborn, Zero… Just bite me already," his twin chided softly.

"Idiot… Who's the stubborn one?"

Ichiru chuckled weakly. "Come on. You're letting my blood go to waste here." As he said that, he coated a hand with the blood from his wound and then held it in front of Zero's lips.

As hard as he tried, Zero couldn't resist the instinctive movement his tongue made to lap at the blood on Ichiru's hand. That miniscule amount that he'd tasted was enough to send almost all of his vampire senses reeling with its taste. It was different from the blood he had drunk before, yet it was strangely fulfilling… Because it was Ichiru? It had hit all the buttons of his vampire side, and it was becoming painful to struggle against those instincts.

"Please Zero…" came Ichiru's voice breathing extremely close to his ear now. "I want to become one with you…"

Ichiru had barely even finished speaking, when Zero sank his fangs into the curve of his twin's neck that was placed before him. He managed to whisper a choked apology to Ichiru before his fangs made contact with skin, but afterwards, he almost completely lost himself to the sensation of drinking Ichiru's blood.

Almost.

Usually when he drank blood, especially when he was ravenous as he was now due to the anti-vampire wound on his shoulder, all his rational thoughts would be obscured by his bloodlust. But not this time. He was aware of what he was doing, yet frustratingly, he couldn't stop himself. It was as if the rational, human part of him was detached from his physical self, unable to allow him to regain control of his body.

God. He was killing Ichiru, his beloved twin brother. One of the few people he loved more than anything else. He was a monster, an abomination. He knew of the curse that plagued hunter twins. The curse that one twin would kill the other and devour it inside their mother's womb before they were even born. It was a consequence for gaining the ability to hunt vampires. It had made Zero sick to learn about the curse and that he was the cause that Ichiru had been born with a weak body. It hurt him that Ichiru had always thought that it would be better if Zero had killed and eaten him completely when they were still in their mother's womb, when they didn't know each other existed.

Most hunter twins wouldn't even know that they had a twin, because the other party would've been killed before they had developed an awareness of the world around them. They would've been spared the horror of their own deed simply because nobody would have the heart to tell them. But not for his case. He would still be fulfilling that curse though, even though he had tried his best not to. He had sworn to his soul that he would protect Ichiru from harm when they were both very young, yet here he was draining away Ichiru's life and making that life force his. He could already feel his wound starting to heal as he drank. It was so very cruel. He had lived a happy eleven years with Ichiru by his side; he had known Ichiru for who he was. To kill him now by Zero's own hands, with all those vivid memories swimming in his mind as he did so… He would _never_ forgive himself after this.

Tears flowed relentlessly from his eyes even as he continued to drink Ichiru's blood. His human side was weeping in sorrow even as his vampire side made him feed hungrily on his twin. Zero's heart was splintering even further, and he didn't think he even had much of it left to feel so much agony.

_I'm so sorry, Ichiru… I'm so, **so** sorry…_

"…Don't cry, Zero… I'm the one… who cries… Not you… Besides, I want this… I want to… be with you… as one…" Ichiru's words were whispered into his ear and he realized that Ichiru's hold on his shoulder had slackened.

Why? Why did Ichiru have to say those words? He knew Ichiru's aim was to make him drink his blood. But even now, he would've felt better if Ichiru hadn't reinforced the fact that it was what his younger twin had wanted. Zero tightened his arms that were around Ichiru, embracing his dearest twin even closer to himself. He wasn't afraid that Ichiru was going to suddenly run away, although he wished that Ichiru would do so… He just…

He just wanted Ichiru to know that he loved him, always did and _always would_, come what may.

Even when he had betrayed their family, Zero knew deep in his heart that he could never hate Ichiru fully. Not when he had been the one to unconsciously drive Ichiru to turn out like he did. But even though Ichiru had begged him not to hate Hiou Shizuka, he just couldn't. He would forever hate her and it was not only because she had been the first person to shatter his world by killing his parents and turning him into a vampire. It was because he knew… He knew, with even more certainty now, that she had provided Ichiru with what his parents and he himself never could. She had made Ichiru feel like he was worthy of being alive, something that no matter how hard Zero had tried, he just couldn't make Ichiru feel that way around him. Ichiru was always being compared to Zero, and although he had ignored all of the praise he had received, choosing to focus on Ichiru really… Ichiru just couldn't put them aside as easily as Zero did.

In all honesty, Zero had thought his twin was dead, or would soon be dead, after the attack. He never would've believed that Hiou Shizuka would really take care of Ichiru and not harm him. He was certain that she would've turned Ichiru into a vampire and then let him die. But Shizuka hadn't, as he had found out when he encountered Ichiru for the first time again in four years. Instead, unbelievably enough to Zero, she had cared for Ichiru, loved him and had made him happy… and perhaps _that_ was the real reason why Zero hated her so much more now than ever before.

She had been there for Ichiru in ways that he hadn't been able to, and wouldn't ever be able to anymore.

Bitterly, he wondered if he shouldn't have even bothered to go after Shizuka when she had appeared in the Academy in Kurenai Maria's body. Then Ichiru would still be alive and still be loved. Even if it was by the vampire that had killed his parents. At least, Ichiru would've been happy. And that was all Zero had ever wanted for his beloved twin.

Now, Ichiru was becoming steadily weaker in his arms and Zero knew it wasn't because of the wound that was still oozing blood sluggishly. He was draining Ichiru faster than that wound ever would. While the wound would've killed Ichiru eventually if left untreated, Zero just felt that he was the one who had essentially dealt the fatal blow that would rob his brother of his life.

"…I'm glad… Zero… I'll… finally be… together… with you… Always…"

The extreme weakness in Ichiru's voice finally, _finally_ managed to make him push aside his instincts and jerk away from his twin's neck in horror. He then pushed Ichiru slightly away, but still holding on, from him so that he could see his face. Ichiru was now deathly pale, but there was a damningly _peaceful_ smile on his face like he had finally found where he belonged.

"Ichiru… I…" Zero's voice broke as a sob forced its way past his lips. He'd done it already. Even without vampire instincts, he knew Ichiru was past the point of no return. In a few more moments, he would become his brother's murderer.

"…Zero… thank you…"

"Don't… thank me…" _I'm the one who…_

"…Love you…" Then Ichiru fell forwards and slumped against Zero, all feeling of life completely wiped from his body.

_Love you…_ The faintly spoken words rang in Zero's ears long after they had been spoken. He was in complete shock at the feeling of his lifeless twin's body against his, still warm but dead to the world. He hadn't heard what he had from Ichiru's lips. He _absolutely hadn't_.

But he had. And he knew Ichiru meant it.

"Ichiru… Ichiru!"

He wanted to hear Ichiru's voice again. To hear his twin say something. _Anything._ Even words of hatred that he had uttered when they had been unexpectedly reunited would be fine. But no sound came from Ichiru. Nothing. And it finally began to sink in… Ichiru was dead.

With trembling hands, Zero held on to Ichiru's body tightly, trying and failing to control the sobs that were shaking his body. His tears that had ceased momentarily due to his shock came back again with a vengeance. Zero didn't even bother to hold them back as he held onto Ichiru. He didn't ever want to let go, as illogical as it was, but he knew that would be impossible.

After what seemed like an eternity, he finally summoned enough resolve to gently rest Ichiru down on the ground. Lying there like that, with that utterly peaceful expression on his face, Ichiru looked like he was just sleeping. Zero wished he were doing just that, and that he could wake up. But no, because of him, Ichiru would sleep on forever. He could only hope that wherever Ichiru went after death, Ichiru would be happy.

He pressed a gentle kiss to his twin's forehead, wiping away the blood that stained there after he had pulled away. "Goodbye, Ichiru… Know that I love you too…" he murmured, before looking away.

Standing up slightly unsteadily, Zero made his decision as he wiped away the remainder of Ichiru's blood on his lips. He was Kaname's pawn, right? The pureblood had told him as much. He would play his role in Kaname's plan and put all his power into it, but it would only be for the part where he was to kill Rido. Let Kaname think that he was actually obeying his commands for once. He was going to accomplish it _not_ because he was obliged to do so, and not even because it would protect Yuuki.

He would do it for Ichiru. He would not let his twin brother's sacrifice go to waste. He would atone for his sins, for killing his twin and turning into an unbelievable monster.

He would kill Kuran Rido… and enjoy _every, single second_ of it.

Then after everything had ended and if his wretched life still hadn't give in, he was going to use Bloody Rose on himself until he turned into dust in the wind. He would not be needed by then anyway. Then perhaps… perhaps with that…

His shattered, crystal world would become whole again.

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**This was written because Chapter 40 made me cry, broke my heart so badly and I was wondering just _what_ was going on in Zero's mind at that time. I couldn't get the Kiryuu twins out of my mind and I also wanted to fill in the gap between the time when Ichiru said, "Soon... Zero and I... will become... as one." to Zero leaves his underground prison. Well, I guess I could say a good part of this fic came out as what I thought Zero's reactions would be and was a means to cure my endless musings after reading the chapter. I'll also be writing a companion fic to this fic in Ichiru's POV.**

**Hmm... I guess some parts came across as rather Zero/Ichiru, although I was intending for a general brotherly relationship. At any rate, canon itself has made me wonder about pairing them up together, I guess I just translated that feeling across into here. "**

**Hope you've enjoyed!**

**_carzla_**


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